Brutal reviews of every VMAs performance, including Katy Perry

The MTV VMAs have officially hit middle age, but that didn’t translate to a lack of alluring performances.
The 40th incarnation of the show Wednesday demonstrated why pop supernova Chappell Roan was willing to implode her tour schedule to take the stage at UBS Arena in New York, and why veterans including show opener Eminem, show closer LL Cool J and Video Vanguard honoree Katy Perry still find value in the spectacle.
It’s a night dedicated to showmanship, with little attention given to those going home with a Moon Person statue.
The elaborate set spotlighted a 62-foot inflatable Moon Person, a noteworthy playground for host Megan Thee Stallion if only she were seen more frequently throughout the three-hour show. But fans were delivered a heap of pop idols including Sabrina Carpenter, Camila Cabello, Halsey, Blackpink breakout Lisa and the recently resurfaced Shawn Mendes.
Here’s a look at all of the performances, ranked from best to worst:
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It’s fitting that the pop supernova chose a dark medieval theme for her performance, considering she sounds like a less-ponderous Kate Bush, a woman who is no stranger to a gothic backdrop.
After setting fire to the castle behind her with a flaming crossbow (just go with it), Chappell Roan, in faux armor, her crimson hair braided behind her, slayed what is likely the best song of the year.
Both dramatic and subtle – her well-timed touch of a sword paired perfectly with her “sexually explicit kind of love affair” lyric – the presentation from Roan was surpassed only by her mighty vocals.
The vigor expressed in her voice when she hit the last “I hate to say, I told you so” indicated that she’s going to be singing “Good Luck, Babe” for the next few decades. At least we hope.
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With a giant “E” appearing to light up the sky outside the arena like his personal Bat-Signal, Eminem entered the arena trailed by a pack of Slim Shady doppelgangers while he rapped his Steve Miller-sampling hit, “Houdini.”
His blond wig looked more like a pelt than hair, but looking ridiculous didn’t repress Eminems’ enthusiasm as he strolled the stage full of look-a-likes and performed the end of the song next to a Dorian Gray version of himself.
Eminem paired his bouncy hit with the most poignant song on his 12th album, “The Death of Slim Shady,” the ballad “Somebody Save Me.”
While the heart-searing song about Eminem’s failures as a father includes the chorus of Jelly Roll’s “Save Me,” the big man was only there in spirit and on video to croon the hook. Stripped of his wig, Eminem leaned into the lyrics, ending the performance with a pensive expression as he sat in a tattered armchair, watching home videos of his kids and seemingly pondering his return to a VMAs stage. 
Keeping things classic, Benson Boone sat behind a piano in his blue sequined jumpsuit, an outfit at odds with the old-school construction of the song which made it all the more appealing.
His voice was clear, his words visceral, Boone commanded the stage by simply singing. But then he performed a flip from atop a piece of staging and his entire team started rifling through his insurance policy.
The seesawing tempo of Boone’s multiplatinum hit is its superpower and translated well to even an awards show stage. As he stood atop a piano surrounded by pyro, Boone wound into one more backflip that would impress even Olympian Jordan Chiles, who was in the crowd. But we were more spellbound by the high note he nailed for the finale.
Maybe he could be a grandfather to half of the people in the crowd, but when Lenny Kravitz arrives in a halo of light with his Flying V guitar and his bared chest draped in a giant feather boa, no one is checking his driver’s license.
First pounding the crowd with the unvarnished “Are You Gonna Go My Way,” Kravitz also offered the slinky soul-funk of “Human,” one of his most accessible songs in years that also possesses a mega-chorus of positivity.
Kravitz rounded out his performance with “Fly,” featuring Quavo, of Migos renown, who popped out to lay some rhymes on the song – exactly the kind of organic mishmash Kravitz craves.
This year’s Video Vanguard honoree received an introduction from a movie star, which most recipients can’t claim.
But Perry’s partner is Orlando Bloom, who sweetly told the crowd that he fell in love not with the international pop star Katy Perry, but with Katheryn Hudson from California. That led to Perry suspended in midair, floating like a superhero coming down to earth for “Dark Horse,” one of several of her classics shorn and stitched for this 10-minute medley.
Synthesizer whooshes pushed “E.T.” as Perry, clad in a castoff from the set of “Mad Max,” moved across a row of muscled dancers before joining rapper Doechii for some sexy sliding around a platform during the new “I’m His, He’s Mine.”
The theme switched to mirrorball fun as Perry, in a beige breastplate and thigh-high boots, dove into the delectable fun that is “California Gurls.” Bloom watched from the audience with an expression of both admiration and puzzlement as the relentless beat rolled into “Teenage Dream,” her most pillowy hit with an unshakable chorus.
The intriguing squealing guitar line that introduced Perry’s winking 2008 breakthrough was quickly countered with the appearance of her inflatable wings, a bizarre sight that momentarily overshadowed the song. But only briefly because this rockified version was so appealing, Perry should rerelease it. It’s not as if she has anything to lose.
As Shawn Mendes prepares his comeback, the thoughtful singer-songwriter unveiled “Nobody Knows” for its first live showing. It was a brave decision to follow a vacuous pop display (Lisa) with a simple song grounded in acoustic guitar.
Standing on an arrangement of floor rugs surrounded by fake candles, his shirt casually unbuttoned to his belt, Mendes belted the soulful song on a darkened stage. Stripped of any glossy trappings, the ballad escalated into a potent roots rocker, with Mendes uncorking his voice into a wail and quickly de-escalating to a near-whisper.
The bro hug shared by him and his two bandmates as they exited the stage wins for the sweetest moment of the show.
Beaming in from the rafters on a silver-gilded swing, Sabrina Carpenter basked in a Glinda-the-Good-Witch moment as she cooed “Please Please Please.”
But quickly – cramming three songs into a performance slot is an unenviable challenge – Carpenter segued into “Taste,” now joined by an astronaut and alien who groped each other as she sang. It’s possible Carpenter was giving a nod to the iconic MTV VMAs Moon Person with the space theme, but it didn’t quite work. 
More astronauts joined her stroll down the catwalk, a pair of red lips apparent on her inner thigh, while Carpenter flipped her flaxen mane, coquettish as ever while offering her catchy smash, “Espresso.”
As she headed into a garage papered with old posters of herself to, literally, play with a garage band, Halsey looked ready to rock. She strapped on a guitar and plunged into the fizzy pop-rocker, “Ego.”
The song, which Avril Lavigne surely wishes she had written, is the latest single from Halsey’s “The Great Impersonator” album, out Oct. 25. Her voice is still honeyed, but also coated with enough heft to handle this brawnier output.
Cocooned in a Plexiglas cage and surrounded by weapons-wielding psychological demons, Cabello gave her upper register a workout on the vulnerable ballad of self-discovery.
She’s maturing in front of us, and also trying to shed some of her past, evidenced both by her destruction of a laptop playing a clip of her younger self-performing and lyrics such as, “I wish you well, but far away from me.” Might be a little awkward if former beau Shawn Mendes was still in the building.
Addressing the crowd in Spanish, the Colombian hitmaker slithered her hips and (mostly) bare torso as she unspooled “Si Antes Te Hubiera Conocido,” which translates to “If I Had Met You Before.”
Karol G scampered around a festive stage decorated with a makeshift bar and visuals of a beach before heading down to the arena floor for the TikTok-making moments. She paused in front of Taylor Swift, who engaged in her best slinky pout, and then found Camila Cabello, who also gamely jumped into the groove.
The song isn’t particularly memorable, but Karol G’s crowd interaction, effervescence and dancers masked its shortcomings.
The VMAs didn’t miss the opportunity to acknowledge the 40th anniversary of Def Jam Records, spotlighting the guy who released the first album on the label: LL Cool J.
“Headsprung” seemed an appropriate place to start, with LL rapping, “They call me Big L’why, Big Silly, Big Money, Big Billy.” He weaved through a crowd bobbing signs with a photo of a goat (for “The G.O.A.T.,” naturally) before joining Public Enemy onstage for a few seconds of “Bring the Noise.”
The New York staging – subway signs, construction gates, hot dog carts – infused the performance with some authenticity, as did the DJ with an actual turntable instead of a laptop whom LL directed most of “Going Back to Cali” toward.
Though LL relied too much on the rote “put your hands to the sky” while singing “Proclivities” and Public Enemy’s appearance was thoroughly underutilized, the bigger problem was the placement of the performance.
With the biggest award of the night still to come – video of the year, congratulations Taylor Swift – the hip-hop gathering felt shoehorned rather than celebrated.
The Blackpink member made her VMAs debut as a solo artist in a red fringe top and mini skirt, straddling a chair aligned with her six female dancers for “New Woman.” Lisa strutted like a supermodel to the top of a raised platform with a moving catwalk as she semi-sang the saccharine pop song.
Her segue into “Rockstar” was welcomed.
Now on the main stage, Lisa and her male dancers engaged in sharply choreographed moves in front of a star engulfed by flames (was there a metaphor there that we missed?). Her lithe figure got a bit lost among the crew as the song evolved into a frenzy of pyro and air guitar moves, ending with Lisa brandishing the rock ‘n’ roll devil horns that apparently cross generations.
From the “Smooth Criminal” attire during “Touching the Sky” to the bared biceps and hip swivels during “Dejame Entrar,” the Puerto Rican singer-rapper was stylish and seductive.
The main stage set looked like the rooftop of a theater and allowed Rauw Alejandro a patch of space to scamper and showcase his graceful footwork. As he sang, he clenched his eyes and patted his chest, universal indicators of Taking Lyrics Very Seriously.
The Memphis-born hip-hop star offered a cloaked vision of herself and her dancers for her first song, “Yeah Glo!,” but within seconds, she stripped to a black-and-sliver striped bikini for “TGIF.”
She and her similarly clad dancers gyrated across a long desk in front of cubicles in a display that would probably get more people to return to the office.
The night’s fabulous but little-seen host, Megan Thee Stallion zipped through a medley including “BOA” and B.A.S.,” bouncing in her yellow outfit that covered a few body parts while primarily dancing and injecting snippets of raps.
She roamed the crowd during “Hiss” and welcomed Japanese rapper Yuki Chiba for her current hit, “Mamushi.” Chiba showcased his unique flow while leaving Megan on her side of the stage to shake her thighs.
Returning to the VMA stage after a spicy performance last year, the Brazilian beauty was joined by the always useless DJ Khaled, as well as utility player Fat Joe, for “Paradise.”
We’re pretty certain Anitta and her wingwomen could handle the performance without Khaled incessantly yelling “Put your hands up!” At least Anitta vibed with Fat Joe to shift between her singing and his rapping over a clip-clopping beat.
Anitta replaced Khaled and Joe with Tiago PZK for “Alegria,” moving between a couple of red-shaded stages to gyrate and bounce.
The beguiling visuals likely distracted people from noticing that Anitta’s vocals ended a few seconds before she took her final stance on the stage. Oops.